What is Emotional Regulation?

Everyone experiences a range of emotions, both comfortable (like happiness, contentment, and excitement) and uncomfortable (like anger, regret, and sadness). Emotions are not good or bad; they all serve a purpose. Anger helps you understand when something is wrong and can motivate you to create change. Regret helps you understand what is important to you and how to prioritize better in the future.

While there are no “right” or “wrong” ways to feel, sometimes emotions can become more intense than the situation warrants. In this case, it’s helpful to be able to regulate, or manage, those feelings. When emotions become so intense that you can no longer think clearly or make intentional decisions, they no longer support your ability to function and can cause problems.

Emotional regulation does not mean that you are getting rid of the emotions or controlling them. It means you are reducing their intensity, so they can be felt without taking over.

How Can Emotional Regulation Make a Difference in My Life?

Emotions, thoughts, and actions are closely intertwined. Imagine that a coworker, with whom you normally get along well, brushes past you in the hallway without any acknowledgement. You might feel hurt and angry. Those emotions could lead to thoughts like “she’s such a jerk” or “why is she mad at me?” Those thoughts might then lead to the action of avoiding her, withdrawing, or lashing out. This can turn into a downward spiral where each uncomfortable thought, feeling, and action leads to something even more uncomfortable.

By regulating, or moderating, emotions, you can stop that cycle and think more clearly. Maybe the coworker was preoccupied thinking about an upcoming meeting, maybe you looked busy and she didn’t want to interrupt. By lowering the intensity of the emotions, you can think more clearly and identify alternative possible explanations.

How Do I Regulate My Emotions?

There is no one-size fits all solution to regulate emotions, but there are plenty of different options to try. You can test out different methods and adapt them in whatever ways work best for you. As long as you are not causing harm, there is no wrong way to adapt an emotional regulation skill.

Some ideas to explore (or google) are:

• Different methods of deep breathing

• Different methods of grounding

• Meditations

• Visualizations

• TIPP (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Progressive muscle relaxation)

• Challenging inaccurate thoughts (cognitive distortions)

Some skills will help disrupt the intensity of emotions, which then gives you space to use a longer-lasting skill. It’s also important to remember that skills often become stronger and more effective the more they are practiced. So, you may want to start by using skills at lower levels of distress and work your way up.

At Witness Support Services, we educate you on specific skills that are adapted to suit your specific situation, needs, strengths, and weaknesses.